संपर्क फ़ॉर्म

नाम

ईमेल *

संदेश *

गुरुवार, 15 मार्च 2012

Dome to dump

Through the eyes of my friend.........she wanted me to write for those who are alone and need strength... when she started the pain I feel it till she ended hats off.......

" The day I get pregnant I was happy and sad at the same time although I want some more time it was just a month after marriage I got the news ....although I want more time to know but my husband was not ready for the precaution or might be he do not know ........He was in office when I get the news I need him at home ......I cry and feel good at the same time ....but definitely I do not want the baby at this time ..I was really nervous and kind of guilty to give the news to everyone specially everyone  when all person have so much of planning.........I also want the baby after my anniversary I want to have some time when we can understand each other but any how ...I need to be but at one corner was scared too ........I was well prepared to have the baby as   there is no precautions  .........I do not know he was happy or not ....

Any ways time started my reading and interface also  increased so much for the baby .I spend lot of time on internet to know abut baby growth. I was really working hard for it and happily for it .............I had a  normal and cool period beside having  some morning sickness and irritation from the spices ........Now every month doctor visits and test are scheduled I feel I am in the different world hormones are working right I want to get pampered.

But things are not in my favor a kind  of gap I felt is there in between us  .As he is introvert he s taking time to say something to me in a  way I am not in the way as I am this make me more in my shell ....but knowing the fact all effects the bay i started concentrating there by thinking all will be well .................although I know I am thinking too much he is doing everything I want just I need a perception ............this is all marriage is all about .............I want cosiness i want he should eat with me .....should appreciate what I make as it the first time I am trying different things ..but he was too much inert .......I pray daily I love to decorate the things I make things special but he ignored everything and just follow the things as it is .............i feel really annoyed .....no credit for things I did just he say i feel more and speak less but he appreciate a lot when we go to others place

...I feel humiliated and low  ..... I was no more independent i need to borrow money from him he decline to give me any bucks .....................as he says what ever you need  will buy for you as you will not go alone even if I will he gave a credit card for it ...........I love to have cash .....I was again disappointed .....I love to read but he do not I am releasing we are very different ..........After coming home from office he like to spend time in talking with his friends and family rather then what I did whole day .......even now we have sex  .........which scares me always ...........about the baby ..........and I feel is he not concerned .......?............whole month is about to over i didn't get any offer or kind of help from him..........he is so self confined that he was least bothered what is happening the pain headache get a part of life .... inviting friends and my cooking without his help continue......... no appreciation that I am still doing everything ...................  Finally a fight happen  and he said to get separated OMG just the third month and he is ready to get this .............I was shattered and  recognize that it is the start of storm ....I had a baby of his and he is just overreacting when I ask him to pamper me give me time ,help ...its not I need help but I need to spend time ........I am a part of his life but he was inert only for sex he was with me ..............else I am nothing more then ............have no words for it .......while we are talking only he is happy till he speak about his struggle ........when I started mine he get comparative and get stuck to it end with fight he blame me for it ..........I came to the conclusion if I speak for anything which he do not like we end up with fight ..............I am feeling alone very alone .............he was getting more strange and rude with me ................I read more ..got the ultrasound done was so happy and can feel my baby more and more .........I do everything for my baby .... prenatal and all started .............

I am reading books badly I complete more then a book in a day novels in 2-3 days ......sleep a lot ........want to cook good may be that is only work I am left with and I was married recently to show my love for my husband ...he has mainly a bachelor friends so I do not have any person to share my feeling ......His family only want a boy and not interested in my health and well being ......also do not want that there son got to cook anything for me ............I was so far from my mother that I can;t share all this from them  ....may be even if I do she will tell me to adjust...............which i was already doing .......slowly slowly I get into my shell  ...............but as i sleep a lot I use to be pretty  relaxed .............I want  to be for my baby to be a gentle person .....I use to see doctor alone as  he was busy in his office sometimes sometimes together I can see the nervousness on his face ...............he do not know anything about the biology of human system may be slept in the class while studying .... now even hi do not try to know about it ........really annoying..!! when I ask the doctor for sex in front of him he looked at me as if he will kill  me  or I am getting so cheap ......doctor was shocked that I am still looking for sex ..................I looked at him as if he did sin but he was again inert my utter surprise .........all continue ..............I read books get instruction from all over some I follow some I do not .....When I think today then I am happy as I know my in laws and husband so well that i never want to have the baby .............. again what God did was the right thing I do not know anyone  well ...so I was thinking all will be well i am so sweet I will make everything normal ...............but you need both hands to clap  ..I am  sure that I am  going in a black hole where i need to make a silver line ..........for that I started keeping me busy by cooking two times a day ..then crochet ...blogs ......joining community for babies ..thinking about the most beautiful things my hubby doing for me ............I started enjoying e go for walks after meals start staring the stars moon sky ...but he is phone many times ..........again  feel my time is given for other person ..............I feel bad .......I started talking to my baby I feel as if I am on the top f world ...........although there is not much movement .......My hubby bring everything what I ask ............I feel good .......and enjoying my role ....I am happy ............I sleep a lot ..........I think good and religious watch non action movies ... I try to complete the work which I started ..I think the way I want my baby to be .......I am happy with the co mothers with me  in different community i joined through social sites ..........

I do all possible things to find the sex for the baby............. I really find it interesting whether it is moving an engagement ring on belly ........or  father tummy grow up if boy vice versa for girls ....sounds silly but even I enjoy doing it want to keep it surprise so we say we do not wish to know about the gender ............Although I want to but hubby says no ..I feel it should be always a surprise .......

Time was taking in the hormonal change section my morning sickness went away after third month I love to eat maggi and at time get up at night and feel like eating anything ......I ate and cook whatever I like ......I become religious and  listen to all possible good thoughts ......still drowsy and sleepy ............I am trying to be happy all the way

My husband started working from home.......I cook good food fresh one two times a day at times he make tea for me .....I feel good .....also want that he should make some dish ...he made chickpea curry ......really  amazing taste ......He needs to be more expressive I try to open to him he has lot of work pressure he is busy .......I feel like getting hugs and kisses whole day .....when he work from home I do it too..............still remember my night walk in the apartment ........My  tummy was not even visible after 5month neither  gained lot of weight ............I want my hubby should give me food fruits and all but he is not that type ............for the sake of baby  I eat it my self  .....acceptance is the biggest key to stay happy all person in world can't be same  when i go to hospital I even found the husband who are just after there wife like anything just pampering and loving the same way as the mother do .......I feel bad and cry at times to but then overcome it soon............

Time passes i sleep more more I got up at 7 in the morning tell my husband to serve him tea after 5 more minutes of sleep then I got up again at 11 ....sometimes he take tea by himself sometimes he is so busy to do any work .....................I cook breakfast soon......"

to be continued ....

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